[when technology becomes too much] after drinking enormous amounts of tea at lunch today, i really had to use the facilities. but-- technology got in the way. first off, i couldn't figure out how to open the ladies' room. there was a large glass door in front of me, and a number of buttons around the glass door. i knew i had to push/pull/utter a secret code near one of them, but had no idea where! dah. somebody finally had to exit the ladies' room and the glass door swished to the side. i mean it was cool and everything-- i felt like i was on the star trek enterprise entering one of the conference rooms where the doors make that *swish* noise -- but hey man, i had to pee. then-- while i was using the facilities, it naturally had to be equipped with one of those automatic flusher infra-red thingmajigs. it went off on me 3 times in 30 seconds. i was like: excuse me. i'm not done yet. *shakes head* when i finally left the infernal restroom, i was relieved in more than one way.

[carnal fear] my friends and i went for a bbq on the beach and saw the most bizarre thing. two cats, one that ran up a tree first, were freaking the heck out of each other. well, more like one cat was freaking the bladder out of another cat -- this one cat was so scared that it wouldn't stop peeing. my friends and i are were so amazed at the amount of liquid that was coming out of this poor animal, and at the same time, pretty shocked as to how scared the little cat actually was. the little cat was just crouching on this branch (b/c of course, cats can crouch), making noises, and showing us just how pretty darn freaked out he was. so this is where the term "scaredy cat" comes from.

[apologies] i just realized that this blog entry has been very ~pee~ themed. i apologize. hahaha =)

[rolling on the floor] motto one: "build appetite and eat at home" -- motto two: "no matter where you build your appetite, you still eat at home" hahahahahaha whoa dang.

[last thought] i like spoiling people i care about =)

[skinny singaporeans] i was talking to some of my high school friends today, and we were discussing the whole white man, asian woman thing. in singapore, it's a pretty common thing to see european men with local women. my european girlfriend said that she thought it made perfect sense because she thought that asian women are better-looking in general than caucasian women (how many people want to argue with me here?) and they stay skinnier and fitter for longer. haha =) i thought that was the most ridiculous comment! another one of my asian girlfriends then said that she thought it was the whole asian woman submissive factor (and how many people want to argue with me here again?) or the whole mystery of asian women. are we really such a mystery? i think not. so we never really came to a conclusion why white men and asian women seem to get together, but we did deduce that the white man-asian woman situation was a much more common matrimony than a white women-asian man. haha.. the same asian girlfriend exclaimed that maybe it was because white women didn't want short asian men. again, i am bewildered. i really have no stance on this because i think everyone is their own individual (is that too politically correct?), but in singapore specifically, i think that these marriages are just a product of the environment. a lot of european businessmen have lived here for years, and if they find future unions in the most abundant kind of woman here-- the asian kind-- then so be it. it does however, leave the asian men bitter. heh. sorry guys.

but yes. singaporean girls are skinny. grossly so.

[happiness is] .. a surprise phone call from across the seas. simple pleasures, simple pleasures.

[new discovery] it's amazing how much you realize you feel for someone when faced with adversity. that is definitely new to me. who knew hurting could feel so good.

[last note] killer line: "i would say... would you like to have coffee.. see a movie.. take walks in the park with me... for the rest of my life?" *swoon*

[it wasn't meant to be] so i guess there was never meant to be snow in singapore on christmas. but there sure was rain-- and if you tried real hard, you could *make* it look like snow-- it was raining *that* hard. my mom is a great cook.. i think it's true that.. in no matter what you do, if you really put your heart into it, the results are just.. spectacular. i know my mom cooks so lovingly for her guests and her family, and it really comes out =) i'm going to try and take that philosophy in everything i do.. maybe it'll make a difference somewhere in my life.

[so small] i live a small life. i have a small number of friends, small number of passions, and small hopes and dreams. but they're mine. and they're oh-so-valuable to me. but sometimes i wonder if i should give myself bigger things to think about.. bigger things to hope for.. bigger expectations. what would my life be like then? who knows =T am i happy now because i don't think i can do anything better or because i know i can't do anything better?

[sadness is] ... not hearing someone's voice when you wish you could.

[20 hours later] i can't believe i'm back in asia. and safely too. everything is in chinese!! *gah!* i'm sooo not used to having my brain process in that language anymore.. haha whoops. and gosh darnit, it's soo humid. so so humid. it's not really the heat that is getting to me, it's just the humidity. but otherwise...

it's great to be home. the house has changed a little-- it definitely looks like a place where the family's two kids are off at college. my mom has made the guest room into a study, and moved my old sofa bed couch in here.. so i guess it's still sort of a guest room =) the bigger bedroom-- once mine, then dru's -- is now a second guest room, with both our single beds in there, and some of my old furniture (the tv cabinet i loved and my dressing table! oh so girlie!) the house looks great though. still a place of love =D

[please put on your seatbelts] the flight was good =) thank goodness i managed to sleep through most of the longer leg.. 8 hours baby. yay! it definitely made the trip a little shorter.. =) i started watching "Serving Sara" and that turned out to be a complete waste of time, so i watched "Lilo & Stitch" and the end of "The Family Man", both very entertaining movies in my opinion =) Both sort of emphasized the meaning of family, appropriately enough, and i made me think a little about what i wanted my future to be like? anyhoo, on another note, static electricity sucks. i know it's a wonderful phenomenon, and the Van de Graff geneator is super cool if you're grounded, but when i want to use the bathroom and the handle happens to be metal, i am not a happy girl. anytime i wanted to venture somewhere on the plane, i had to dip my fingers in my glass of water and rub my hands together. strange, but true. i also realized that, after travelling with other people this entire year, it's pretty lonely travelling by yourself, and straaange people talk to you about the oddest things when they're alone too. one dude asked me "so why is your accent American?" when i was flying out of SFO *shakes head*. beats me man.

[ohana] means family. and family means no one gets left behind. Lilo is so cute =) keke. so yes, it's wonderful to have the family together again, and my mom is busy in the kitchen baking gingerbread cookies and concocting all kinds of lovely things for christmas eve dinner tonight. i hope the jetlag doesn't kick in too early. i've already had 3 cups of coffee today-- a record for di! dah! in any case, i'm *really* looking forward to the dinner party.. we have about 8 people coming over, and though it doesn't quite feel like christmas yet -- with the rain, the hot weather, and the fact that i just landed -- i'm sure it will real soon.

[last thought?] what is the best thing you could get for christmas this year?

[*bounce bounce bounce*] happy is di. =) thanks b. thanks michelle & chris. thanks dru. thanks byron. thanks howard & amy. thanks guy. people are so great =)

[leaving san francisco] helas. the day that i have to leave the country just so happens to be the most gorgeous day in the past month. yup, gone is the rain and the dark clouds, and out comes that wonderful infamous california sun. every time i leave, i always think about how much i love it in the bay area, and how so many things have changed as the years have gone by (yes years *gasp*). i would never have called berkeley or san francisco my home three years ago, but now, i don't want to leave (which i'm sure my parents feared from the very start!). more importantly though, i've found that i have a life here now that - though my parents, family friends, and previous life is something i'll always be able to identify with in singapore - is irreplaceable here because it is my *now* life. the one i can very proudly call my own. my friends. my roommates. my car *yay baby*, my future job, my future apartment, and my many loved ones. it's super, and i never cease to think how lucky i am.

[happy travelling] so on that note, i'll be taking off on an airplane around midnight tonight. i wish everyone safe travels on their way home for the holidays. =) don't go carrying fireworks in your shoes now y'all.

[happiness] is finishing your last final, walking out of that door, and taking a big breath of freedom. gosh darnit, it's about time i was done with tests, dontcha think? =D i hope everyone managed to accomplish all they wanted during finals period, and if you weren't quite there, relish in the fact that it's christmas time and you get to do it all again next semester. woopee =)

[more happiness - a completed evening] like the true young-and-crazy college girl i am, upon exiting the doors of Andersen Auditorium, i hopped into my car and sped away into the city to watch Paul Oakenfold in concert. now, if you met me three years ago, i was an adament *disliker* of anything trance related. to me, it was all "computer music". but these days, i can't detach myself from the bumpin' beats of such music.. and Oakie was no exception. so bear with me if you'd like, and i'll give you a little account of my evening =)

so b & i get into the warfield a half hour or so late, and the starting dj is already spinning. very cool bouncin' beats -- interesting crowd -- it seems that Oakie attracts the old fogies too, as they were sipping their beers and nodding their heads to the songs the dj played. i know b & my first impressions were: uh... high-school dance crosses old fogie bar and rave? it was an interesting mix to say the least. but maaaaaaaan, hearing the thumping of those loud speakers, and the per-um-pum-pum-pum in your heart -- i just wanted to get up and boogie. there really is nothing like some great music, the high of finishing finals, and just being enveloped by the sounds.. i was definitely feeling good about being there =) i just wanted to immerse myself in the music...and let my weird dance moves take me wherever it wanted to go, kekeke =)

by the time Oakie came out, it was already 10pm, and he spun a set off a little balcony... his music is so distinct; even without looking, i was thinking to myself.. wait a minute, this sounds like Oakenfold. he sure knows how to work a crowd too -- you know when a trance song is building up and it's just about to climax? good lordie that feels good =) it sort of mimics the excitement in your heart from dancing =) it does for me anyways. heehee. so.. after about an hour, he moves onto the big stage and hoo boy, it's quite a sight. there's an electric drummer dude (who was awesome!) and a guitarist, and then Oakie himself lodged between large black boxes with blinking lights. (did you know he plays the keyboard?) there's also a huge screen in the background, displaying artsy images of landscapes, girls, and colors. by this point, the warfield was a regular club -- lights were trampolining off walls, ceilings, and floors, and everyone was just jumping up and down. Oakie is a funny man. there was this group of girls screaming at him and Oakie saw them, and he looked at them and made a screaming face too, but you know that nothing is coming out of his mouth. and then when he's playing the crowd, he just has to lift his hand up and the crowd goes mad. haha. he must feel like God sometimes.. sigh, what a great job he has. small, spinning Oakie. haha =)

so all in all, i'm quite sure my random ramblings have captured only a miniscule part of what this evening really meant to me -- but all i can say is that it was incredible. i highly suggest it to anyone who is open to a new experience, and at the warfield no less! (that venue is amazing). dancing? dancing is the best. dancing with b? oh, even better. dancing with be to trance? (have you seen b's moves?!) oh, the happiness.

[more reflection] things that make me happy - seeing a squirrel eat a nut, the warmth of friends, seeing family, eating a good meal, drinking a good glass of wine or cup of coffee, listening to a bumpin' song, boogeying the boogies out of myself, giving hugs, giving gifts!, loving, being fit, sunny days (chasing the cloou-uds awayyyy), a good night's rest, learning something new, baking up a batch of cookies, cooking a meal for loved ones, washing my face, singing. *ah* what makes you tick? let me know =) and what is it with me and lists today? aiee.

[and she's off] yes. i am ready. let's go hit it up. it's the final final time.

[reflection on reflection] how come the end of year always brings about so much reflection? i mean, it's not even the end of the year yet, but here i am.. looking at the photos hanging on my wall.. thinking about the people in my life that have made the year so great... and feeling so thankful that i am where i am. ah, i'm jumping the gun - i bet i do this again in two weeks time. i probably just don't want to study anymore. hehe.

[7 days till christmas, last final today] with those two things combined, i *cannot* express my ecstacy. why, i'm even excited about taking this final! bring on the final! wooooo! i shall be writing away on the nonmarket environment of business with a smile on my face and a bounce in my toosh. oh yeah =D and to top that off, i get to see Oakie *right* after my final. ah. sometimes life treats me too well... i really need to stop and just "ohm" it in true yoga fashion.. just appreciate it all y'know? =)

[dancing in the shower] despite the multiple safety cautions, if a song is stuck in my head, dancing in the shower is the only way to go. i mean, i play music anyways, but it's not like i can hear it or anything with the door closed and the shower running. even then, dancing in the shower is the most uplifting thing you can do to start your day. you should try it (and by you, of course i mean the non-existent people who are reading my blog, hahaha) =D so today, to add to my already lifted spirits, i danced in the shower =) bet you didn't really want to know that huh. kekeke ;o)

[time acceleration] so someone please explain this phenomenon to me. why is it - when you are about to leave somewhere - the number of things on your "to-do" list multiplies and the time in which you have to do it, diminishes? why oh why. my oh my. people to see, boyfriends to hug (well, only one really), things to eat, movies to watch, gifts to distribute, cars to drive, floors to mop, bathrooms to clean, hair to cut, laundry to wash. dah.

[sadness is] throwing away dying flowers :(

[yay to the blog?] so some of my friends are really excited that i've started this. now in all honestly, i had a little trepidation starting one before because i kept thinking to myself "who am i to think that i'm so important that someone will actually want to read about me?" i mean, that's still a question i have, but y'know what, if you're ever going to do anything in life, it's for you and not for other people. so yes, think i'm vain. think i'm obscure. gosh darnit, you can think i'm a rambling raccoon, but as far as anything goes, i just like talking to myself, ok? =D kekeke, just kidding. and besides, if anyone can extract even a wink or a smile from this, then it really makes its existence worth it. and it makes me happy too =D so again, here it is. for me. for you. for everyone.

[an ode to finals] you stink.

[that time of year] the strangest feeling comes over me when i hear christmas music. even the poorest christmas song *ever* can just make everything in that store twinkle. what kind of marketing conspiracy is this?! =O sigh. so now i'm in da mood fer some shopping and some hot chocolate.

[driving in the rain] okay, so why on earth do silly road builders make the lines on the freeway invisible in the rain? you'd think that with all the great technology we have nowadays that they could figure out how to get people to see lines on the road right? i think one of my biggest fears now is driving in the rain in hugely windy conditions. what if my hand slips and i can't hold the steering wheel straight? what if a car bumps into me and shoves me across the freeway because it's windy? *panic attack* the morals of this rumination: (1) do not drive in the rain and (2) if you must drive in the rain, make friends with the right-hand side of the freeway and drive under 60.

[what's new?] so i've begun. the crazy, random, stupid things that run through my head are actually going to be posted for all to read. can we say "oh d-d-d-d-ear."?